Super Marriott Land

 
For a leaving present Caroline, a good friend of Duncan's, bought us possibly *the* best thing. A Marriott hotel gift card, charged with 350 big ones. To be redeemed at any Marriott hotel in the world when we fancied a good night's sleep and a proper wash.
 
So, on arrival to India The Duncs and I decided to try our luck with a night at the Mumbai Mazza. And we weren't disappointed.
 
For those of you not in the know, the Marriott is fancy pants. It's kind of up there with the Hilton and the Mal Maison, but it's my personal fave as it was our place of choice for a very over priced glass of vino after a hard day at Sugar. "Shall we go for one in the Mazza?" we'd say. And end up staying for more. Then pay about 100 quid for the privilege. But you can't put a price on feeling fancy.
 
So there we were, in the reception of possibly the nicest most expensive place to stay in the whole of Mumbai, surrounded by filthy rich Indian business men, in our flip flops and grubby shorts and massive rucksacks. I'm not sure what people made of us but had anyone asked we would have told them we were New Money. We decided that Duncan should be Myspace Tom, and I his very lucky girlfriend.
 

 

 

 
We were booked in for one night on the fourth floor in an executive suite. Not too shabby for Sam and Duncan. For Caroline's money we got the nicest room in the world ever - massive flat screen TV, DVD player, huge comfy bed, bath, robes, toiletries, mini bar, complementary fruit and cookies. Then we got to use the executive boardroom which meant as much free fancy food as you could fit in all day (I managed to fit in quite a bit - see, a larger stomach IS beneficial when it comes to free stuff.) Followed by unlimited wine and cocktails and cheese in the evening. Then there was the free internet. Another of my all time favourite things.
 

 

 

 
The rest of the perks were as you'd imagine. Three swimming pools. Free newspapers that hung in a fancy little pouch from your doorknob in the morning. And the biggest buffet style breakfast you've ever seen.
 
So what did we do? We took advantage. We swam, ate until we felt sick, surfed the internet, supped Merlot and then tucked up in our huge bed and watched Pan's Labyrinth. And it was exactly how my life was meant to be. 

Full moon on Monday

(I know, I know - it's Blue Moon on Monday, but it would have been a journalist's dream.)



Right, so this is Haad Rin beach on the island of Koh Phagnan:



And it's this beach that, on a monthly basis, attracts thousands apon thousands of party goers to celebrate the full moon.

They all pile on to the beach:



Paint their bodies with copious amounts of glow in the dark paint (thanks for that, Duncan):







And drink lethal cocktails by the bucket:





I went. I didn't want to. I had fun. I didn't want to. I felt terrible the next day. I didn't want to.

Anyway. I'll leave you with a picture of me and Evo having a vodka and lemon shake pre-party. A picture of Tom and Duncs looking hot pre-party. And a picture of the moon during the party. And then we'll never speak of that night ever again:

You'll find me in da club

Some guy has left a comment on this picture on my Flickr account saying that it looks crazy beautiful. It does, doesn't it? And it would have been, had we not have been staying in Club 18-30's hell.

After Koh Samui and living la Vida loca with the lovely Lady Boys we had a horrendous journey over to the island of Koh Pahgnan. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong and we nearly missed the boat. We didn't though. We managed to *just* make the rocky journey. And I managed to *just* make it to the bathroom to throw up when we got off on the island (it was projectile and through my nose too - first time ever - high five!)

So, we're here for the Full Moon party on the 2nd. Although I'm being a party pooper and don't really want to go. I'm so over going out these days. What's that all about? BUT we'd managed to book ahead and get the last 2 rooms at Coral Bungalows (apparently THE place to stay on the island, just a few minutes walk from the action) and the others are totally up for it, so I'm going along for the ride. YAY!





Coral Bungalows. It's got a pool. It's got an amazing bar and restaurant on it's own beach. It's got clean, private rooms with hot water. It's also got about a thousand townie yobs that I spend my whole life trying to avoid.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for these people to enjoy themselves getting wasted 24 hours a day, being loud and obnoxious, having Chinese symbol tattoos etched on to their permanently semi-naked bodies and fornicating until the early hours of the morning in the pool (after the debauched pool party on Friday night - which I didn't attend - the pool was shut for 2 days as they scooped vomit and who knows what else from the water) just as long as they don't do it anywhere near me, thanks. It's one of the reasons I left Bournemouth and the soul reason I'd never go on a Club 18-30's holiday (we'll ignore the fact that after next year I won't even fit in to that age bracket.) Call me judgemental. Call me a snob. I really couldn't care less.



Anyway. Apart from the hideous people (who I'm sure are very nice people inside) and the fact that poor Duncan got tonsillitis and had to have a massive injection in his bum we're on a beautiful island for 4 days. And I got a jacket potato shaped like a silver swan. See, it's not all bad.

Dude looks like a lady

Lady Boys. We love them. And just as well because Thailand seems to be crawling with them. What's that all about? I'm all for someone being who they feel they want to, or need to be. But it seems that here there's so many. It must be quite a lucrative business. Anyways.

Darren, friend from London who we met up with in Bangkok - keep up, came to join us for the night on Koh Samui so we decided to make a bit of a night of it. Little did I know...

It started with drinks on the beach where Tom's current squeeze (a sweet Cambodian girl called Tick) bought us all blue shots:





It then continued at the local Lady Boy cabaret show which was UNREAL. The best gay (are they gay? WHAT ARE THEY?) cabaret show I've ever seen, and honey I've seen quite a few:









Then this happened (be warned, some viewers may find the following disturbing):



Yes, that's right. Tom and Duncan got up and joined in with the show and they were incredible. Let's take a look at that again (sorry Duncs, I couldn't not show them):





To say I was proud of them for getting up there is an understatement. They were both amazing. But to see Tom up there was super impressive. Until 2 weeks ago he was a self confessed homophobe and said that he'd feel uncomfortable going to such a show. How a few days with Sam and Duncan changes things! So yeah. Amazing. We laughed, drank and hung with the girls after the show:





Then, as if all that excitement wasn't enough, we headed in to town for a bit of a dance with the local gays at Male Box. Is it any wonder I've been single for years?

Koh Sam(ui)

According to the Lonely Planet, Koh Samui is much like "a beautiful woman who wears too much make-up." So Duncan cleverly re-named it "Koh Sam." Really darling, you should work in newspapers.

It was the next island on the list, so we headed there after saying goodbye to Dan and Sarah (see you in Essex, my lovelies.) It's a bigger island with roads and cars and stuff and I immediately hated it. A few hours later I loved it. Can we see a pattern emerging here? Someone doesn't like change.

Checked in to a wicked cheap, clean, fancy, guesthouse with AC. It's all about the AC these days. Eve and I had our own room to do girly stuff in (we hired a DVD player and watched Sex and the City) and the boys had the room next door to contain the testosterone.

Hired a jeep for the day and drove around the island checking out waterfalls, seeing elephants, photographing strange statues, picking up puppies, visiting a mumified monk (I'm not even kidding. He wears shades because his eyes melted away) and (the best bit) trawling the shops for fake designer knock offs. Yes people, we found them. Exactly what we were expecting in Bangkok. All here. On the island. Whatever designer knock off you want - you can get it. And man, are they good?

I couldn't afford it, but it would be rude not to come to Thailand and not get a bag right? So I got a beautiful real leather Mui Mui handbag for next to nothing. I know it's a goody because my beloved Sugar Fashion Stylist Charlotte Kewley sports a real one. That's right. Girls, look what you've done to me! I remember a day when I was more than happy with my rucksack that was held together with safety pins. Not anymore. I'm all about the (fake) labels. I make myself sick. But I look great, so that's all that matters.

Pure Shores

Everyone who's been to Thailand has seen The Beach. And those who have seen it ALWAYS claim the book's better (I hate people that always claim the book is better btw - if you know the book's bound to be better, don't bother watching the film. You make people like me who don't read and enjoy being spoonfed by a big Hollywood movie feel inadequate.) I haven't seen the film. Nor have I read the book. So I don't know which is *actually* better. Although my money's on the movie. Obvs.

Anyway, in the movie (see what I did there) Leonardo DiCaprio is doing a spot of travelling in Thailand like me and Duncs, when he gets told of this secret, paradise island. So he visits it. I'm not sure what happens next. And I don't really want to know because I do planning on watching it now I've been ON SET.





The beach that they used is on a small island just off Koh Phi Phi, so the six of us hired a boat for the day and did a spot of island hopping and snorkelling. And it was amaaaazing.





The water was clear, the sea life was close to that on the Great Barrier Reef and the sun was mighty hot. The sand on 'The Beach' was white and silky as you'd expect, although sadly there was loads of rubbish. But that aside we were spoilt with utter beauty all day. The boys even felt the need to jump off a rocky cliff edge. The girls didn't.

Poi-O-Pop Fever

Poi. I hate it. Sorry. Why do beautiful, romantic, deserted islands compel people to spin strings around their heads? And THEN light them with fire? It's attention seeking and you could have someone's eye out.



As expected, the beaches here are littered with people who are practising Poi. And they all look like idiots.

That said, the few that can really, really do it properly are amazing. Some of the kids on the island put on shows at night that, even to a Poi hater like myself, really are magical. So, here's an idea all you festival and beach Poi wannabes. Practise in your garden until you're as good as them. Only *then* do it in front of others. It's annoying.