The Great Wall

'He who has not climbed the Great Wall is not a true man' - Mao Zedong.



Get over yourself, Mao. Clearly you have no fear of heights.

I've always wanted to see the Great Wall of China. I think that when we were booking our trip it was one of the only things I said I wanted to do (I know, I know, I claimed that apart from the big JC and holding a koala there was little else. I lied.) But when Duncan expressed an interest in doing the million mile hike to it (of course he did) I figured I'd be making my own way there.

So I opted for one of those touristy trips that they tell you to avoid in the Lonely Planet because it's padded out with a load of other things intended to get you to spend cash. To be honest, it didn't really bother me. I got to see loads of other stuff (which I'll gloss over in a minute) and amongst these was The Wall.

When we rocked up at the foot of the wall in Badaling I have to be honest, my blood ran cold. I hate hiking and treking and slogging it up steps and the look of it was pretty horrendous. But as I started trotting up the steps it wasn't bad at all (it's surprising what you can do without altitude.)



So there I was. All alone. In the freezing cold. One glove on to avoid my hand freezing to the rail. Quiet. Exhilerated. Me. On the Great Wall. Excited about reaching the top and getting to see it snaking off in to the distance over miles of mountains, like you do in the postcards... And then it happened. My legs went to jelly and the fear set in. I stopped a few times, and then tried to push on, but I physicaly couldn't. The thought of coming down the steeper than steep steps was way too much for me. So I bailed.



Of course, I'm gutted that I didn't get to see the wall in all it's glory. But at that moment the fear was so much, that I don't regret my decision. You see, a single trip on one's tatty, baggy jeans and you're history. Allen Carr says about fear: The bird that doesn't jump gets eaten. So I jumped. It's not that great anyway, let's face it. It can't even be seen from space. That was a myth. Fact.



The rest of the day was spent bussing about to see other typical Chinese things such as watching workers carve the precious stone Jadeite into amazing sculptures:





Watching similar workers painfully glue copper shavings on to Chinese vases (it takes them months to finish just one):



Visitng the Ming Tombs:



Seeing how they open oysters and crack out fresh water pearls (surprisingly this was probably the thing I most enjoyed. And I got to keep the pearls - bonus!):



And finally, visitng some ancient Chinese doctor who can tell you everything that's wrong with you by just checking your pulse. Seriously, he was quite something. He outed one woman in the group for having just one kidney by just sniffing her, practically. I didn't have my free consultation. I'd rather not know. Thanks all the same, doc.