Hanging tough

Ni hao. As already mentioned, once you've done the main stuff in China (Wall - tick, Square - tick, pot noodle - tick, tick) it feels like there's little else to be here for. That, of course, is a ridiculous statement. China is huge and I'm sure has a lot to offer a lot of people, but lack of time coupled with limited train tickets (Chinese New Year is next week so we can't get *anywhere* in a hurry) means that we can't do much. At all.

So after much discussion, we overnightered back to Beijing and then got straight back on a train headed for Datong, a tourist-free town with the promise of a hanging monastry and some caves.

Checked in to a weirdo hotel (think The Shining) and met Sophie - a sweet, ditzy girl from Devon who accompanied us to the famous monastry. This is what it looked like:



This is what it felt like:



Built right up on a cliff face about 2 hours bus ride from Datong. It was cool. And crazily dangerous.



The next day was my favourite. The buddhist caves. Basically there's a whole load of little caves (45) all carved out of a mountain. So what? Well, in these 45 caves there are over 52,000 buddhas to be found. And it is AMAZING. Seriously, it's the only thing worth going to Datong for. Maybe even the only thing worth going to China for. It blew my mind.



Some of the statues are the size of an office block. The others the size of sparrows. Others are so worn away, they resemble ET. All are pain stakingly chipped out of the rock and are amazing. Just amazing. But if you are ever fortunate enough to go, don't bother looking for the 'secret' bit of the Great Wall which the Lonely Planet claims is 15 minutes walk from the entrance to the caves, just lying around in a field. "You can't miss it," they say. You can, and you probably will.

Warriors come out to play

(I know, I know - there's a red line through it. I like it like that. It's 'arty'. Like that car advert they used to show in the cinema. Remember that one Duncan?)

The Terracotta Warriors. Now, correct me if I'm wrong mum, but didn't 2 of them rock up for some exhibition in Bournemouth when I was a kid? Didn't we go and see them? And didn't it turn out that they were fakes?

Anyway, because these are the real ones, Duncan and I felt we kind of *had* to go and take a visit. So, we took an overnight sleeper train (plush) down to Xi'an. Xi'an is WAY better than Beijing. It's completely different. Everyone there is really young and trendy and sporting wicked, futuristic haircuts. It's the way we like it. All our friends are cool and trendy and good looking, and quite frankly Duncan and I don't like to be surrounded by anything less. So it was a welcome change.

However, the people there were obsessed with us. It was how I imagine Victoria Beckham feels. They ran to shop windows as we passed, pointing and giggling. They even stopped for photos with us. It was great. It's exactly how I've always imagined my life being.

So. The Warriors were as expected. Loads of them, all put back together, all different, all in rows. Don't get me wrong. They are amazing and the whole idea behind them I find phenomenal (you know the story right? Some king commissioned a load of people to create a whole army to guard his grave. There's shed loads. Each one unique. It's quite something.) But when you're finally faced with them it's kind of like "oooh, cool! Wowser! Shall we go and get some lunch?"



(Here I am with lots of older men. Just the way I like it. Just call me Anna Nicole.)





But I really enjoyed it. I did. And it was fun getting there and back on the local buses (travellers, say no to organised tours.) A good day was had by all.

Summer Lovin'

It's bad, isn't it? But I'm a bit over China already. After doing the Wall, the Square and the Forbidden City there's really little to do in Beijing. Apart from freeze. Which we're doing well I might add. Anyway, as we're stuck here waiting for our Vietnamese visas we need to make the most of it, so we jumped on a little local bus (Ni hao!) and took an hour journey to visit the Summer Palace.

I was convinced it was going to be snoring and look exactly the same as the Forbidden City. But I was so wrong. It was spectacular (Duncan's new favourite word). So as I understand, the Summer Palace was a place that was built outside of Beijing for the rich and royal folk to hang out in when the heat got too much in the summer. It's a park, basically, full of beautiful temples and caves and gardens and winding steps and paths and Budhas and a massive, massive lake. And it's exactly how you imagine China to be. Really oriental and charming and pretty.

Of course, we weren't exactly escaping the hot, hot heat of the summer so we'd timed it to get there for sunset which, over the frozen lake was pretty erm, spectacular. I loved it. And it totally restored my faith in China. Well done China.

The Great Wall

'He who has not climbed the Great Wall is not a true man' - Mao Zedong.



Get over yourself, Mao. Clearly you have no fear of heights.

I've always wanted to see the Great Wall of China. I think that when we were booking our trip it was one of the only things I said I wanted to do (I know, I know, I claimed that apart from the big JC and holding a koala there was little else. I lied.) But when Duncan expressed an interest in doing the million mile hike to it (of course he did) I figured I'd be making my own way there.

So I opted for one of those touristy trips that they tell you to avoid in the Lonely Planet because it's padded out with a load of other things intended to get you to spend cash. To be honest, it didn't really bother me. I got to see loads of other stuff (which I'll gloss over in a minute) and amongst these was The Wall.

When we rocked up at the foot of the wall in Badaling I have to be honest, my blood ran cold. I hate hiking and treking and slogging it up steps and the look of it was pretty horrendous. But as I started trotting up the steps it wasn't bad at all (it's surprising what you can do without altitude.)



So there I was. All alone. In the freezing cold. One glove on to avoid my hand freezing to the rail. Quiet. Exhilerated. Me. On the Great Wall. Excited about reaching the top and getting to see it snaking off in to the distance over miles of mountains, like you do in the postcards... And then it happened. My legs went to jelly and the fear set in. I stopped a few times, and then tried to push on, but I physicaly couldn't. The thought of coming down the steeper than steep steps was way too much for me. So I bailed.



Of course, I'm gutted that I didn't get to see the wall in all it's glory. But at that moment the fear was so much, that I don't regret my decision. You see, a single trip on one's tatty, baggy jeans and you're history. Allen Carr says about fear: The bird that doesn't jump gets eaten. So I jumped. It's not that great anyway, let's face it. It can't even be seen from space. That was a myth. Fact.



The rest of the day was spent bussing about to see other typical Chinese things such as watching workers carve the precious stone Jadeite into amazing sculptures:





Watching similar workers painfully glue copper shavings on to Chinese vases (it takes them months to finish just one):



Visitng the Ming Tombs:



Seeing how they open oysters and crack out fresh water pearls (surprisingly this was probably the thing I most enjoyed. And I got to keep the pearls - bonus!):



And finally, visitng some ancient Chinese doctor who can tell you everything that's wrong with you by just checking your pulse. Seriously, he was quite something. He outed one woman in the group for having just one kidney by just sniffing her, practically. I didn't have my free consultation. I'd rather not know. Thanks all the same, doc.

噢哦噢哦::中国小女孩

郝妮. 我们在中国. 我不明白的事. 所以这样的:从珀斯飞香港. 不抖动. 香港飞往北京. 不抖动. 艾伦尔,难怪大家都装. 所以唉,一切良好的飞前,然后--我们. 中国 第一件事是上午06时,在寒冷侵袭我们. 这有点像从热休克身体、热点热珀斯. 第二件事给我们打(非常接近),约100万自行车. 香港机场与市中心之间胡同我要算两次点火米即多达我比她好. 事实. 报到.睡过. 起身. 然后等待兴奋的邓肯醒醒所以能去探索. 这就是我们应做的事,以后我们也穿上了衣服**我们拥有一切,因为它的所freakin'冷. 我心肠北京. 直截了当. 对,是灰如预期. 不错,这就有点肮脏如预期. 是的,人们到处吐痰如预期. 但这种神奇的魔术,你能感受到来自客,只是走在街上. 小红灯笼在线路上,疯狂车手垃圾繁忙道路和周围的孩子就溜冰冻湖泊. 令人震撼. 第二天,我们没有什么东西,你必须做的一切是在北京对近在咫尺. 因为我不懂历史, 政治或任何真正重要的东西我只叫他快步沿着邓肯背后问题大半天. 天安门广场-大. 无聊. 冷. 但显然有很多深入. 紫禁城-再次大规模. 载荷典型、建筑物和木屋中寻找龙/狮球在事物的嘴巴. 有些真是美丽. 它涵盖一些脚手架. 一切真是寒冷. 产成品一天喝绿茶和吃了不起,了不起食物的方式便宜筹码--筷子. 我现在亲. 你要,否则你挨饿. 我学到很快.

Now you know how I feel. We're in China. And I don't understand a thing.

So it went like this: flight from Perth to Hong Kong. Not a jitter. Flight from Hong Kong to Beijing. Not a jitter. Allen Carr, no wonder you were loaded. So yeah, all good on the flying front and then - there we were. In China. The first thing that hit us at 6am was the cold. A bit of a body shock from the hot, hot heat of Perth. The second thing to (very nearly) hit us, was about a million bicycles. Between the airport and our Hutong downtown I must have counted twice as many as Katie M. Which means I'm better than her. Fact.



Checked in. Slept. Got up. Then waited excitedly for Duncan to wake so we could go exploring. And that's what we did, after we'd put on *all* of the clothes we own as it's so freakin' cold.

I hearted Beijing. Straight away. Yes, it's grey as expected. Yes, it's a bit dirty as expected. And yes, the people spit all over the place as expected. But it has this amazing magic that you can feel from the off, just walking down the street. Little red lanterns line the pavements, crazy cyclists litter the busy roads and kids skate around on frozen lakes. It's amazing.



The following day we did the stuff that you kind of have to do in Beijing which is all on our doorstep. Because I know nothing about history, or politics or anything of any real importance I just trotted along behind Duncan asking him questions for most of the day.

Tiananmen Square and The Gate of Heavenly Peace - massive. Boring. Cold. But a lot went down there apparently.



Forbidden City - again massive. Loads of typically Chinese looking huts and buildings and dragon/lion things with balls in their mouths. Some of it was really beautiful. Some of it covered in scaffolding. All of it was really cold.



Finished the day off drinking green tea and with a trip to the 'best' Peking duck restaurant in town... Duncan and I were both sick in the night. Bleurgh.

(For those of you who do very little at work and kill time on the internet - amongst others David Earl this means you, checking your emails whilst you should be teaching children, shame on you - why not copy and paste all of the Chinese above into the Google language translator? The direct translation made me laugh. In fact, scrap that. If you want to kill time and laugh check out www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com. It's way better than my blog. )

Big trouble in little China

Duncan and I are in China. And it RULES. However, what *doesn't* rule is the internet sitch. Apparantly after some fire in an internet cafe a little while ago, loads of places have been shut down so the internet is hard to find. When you DO find it, it's slow as slow can be due to some earthquake a few months ago that ruined all connections. Or something.

So that's why there's no pictures or info on here yet. So you'll just have to wait to see Duncan and I struggling with chopsticks, in Tiananmen Square, checking out the Forbidden City, dodging the many bicylces on the streets (so you were right, Katie Mellua, now shut up and go away), being heroes on the Great Wall and throwing up after our Peking duck experience. It's all going off here in Beijing. You'd better believe it.

West is (so not) best

It's our last week or so in Australia and when we booked our mammoth trip back in January we had a spare flight, so we whacked it in to finish our Australian tour on the West coast, in Perth. What a mistake.

I don't think I have any pictures of Perth (I nicked this one off Flickr - sorry to whoever took it.) And there's a reason for this. It's rubbish. There's nothing going on. The supermarket shuts at a 5 on a Sunday. And if you're the wrong side of the train tracks you'd be forgiven for thinking that you were in deepest, darkest Texas. The people are strange. It's weird. And I don't like it.

That aside, the YHA hostel is pretty nice and it has a pool. And yes, the weather is STEAMING. I'm brown, brown, brown again. So it's not all bad.

Anyway, Duncs and I took a 6 hour bus down the coast and spent a few days in sleepy Margaret River. That was nice. Except there's NOTHING to do there except wine tasting. And because I'm not drinking, we didn't do any of that. We just lay by the pool.

So anyway, we've been all like "it's cool, it's only for a few days and then we fly to China on Monday where it's cheap and we can be proper travellers again, whoopee!" That was until Friday, when we got an email from Ady asking if we'd had any problems getting our visas for Asia. Visas for Asia?

We need visas for Asia?

We need visas for Asia.

Yep. You've guessed it. We don't have visas for Asia. So we spent a stressful Friday in sleepy Margaret River, phoning the embassy, changing our flights and kicking ourselves that we now have to spend another 2 days in rubbish Perth. But it's all sorted now. Kind of. Tomorrow we'll get our visa and Wednesday we'll be on our way to China. All minus 8 degrees of it. Ouch.

In the meantime, the best thing I've got out of Perth is this book by Allen Carr. I was reading some book on how women are competitive (it wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know) but swapped it when Duncan magpied this at the hostel. I read it in a matter of hours. It's BRILLIANT. Allen Carr tells me that my fear of flying is totally rational and anyone who claims that they've never been a tiny bit fearful of flying is either lying or a fool. Ha. He then went on to rid me of my FOF (Fear Of Flying.) Bring on the flight to China on Wednesday. I've clearly been brainwashed and am totally up for it.

Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours

There was a time when I, like everyone else, was obsessed with Neighbours. I come from one of those families who (quite rightly) sit down and eat their evening meal around the table in the evening, so they can discuss what happened during the day with their family members. That was until I hit 15 or something and obviously threw my youngest-child-only-daughter power around and persuaded mum and dad to watch Neighbours over dinner. The chat stopped and we all became more interested with who Mrs. Mangle was annoying than whether or not I was going to pass my G.C.S.E's.

Anyway, during our three days of Melbourne fun with Mark, he'd scheduled in a surprise trip to RAMSAY STREET! That's right. It's filmed just 30 or so minutes away from his house. I nearly wet myself with excitement.



So the trip kicks off with a bus journey to Ramsay Street (an actual cul-de-sac where normal people live) and on the way you get to choose an episode of Neighbours to watch. I *really* wanted to see Bouncer's Dream (the one where Bouncer the dog eats some magic mushrooms and has a dream about Mrs. Mangle) but they didn't have this one. So we lumped for Scott and Charlene's wedding ("Suddenly..") Then we went to Erinsborough High School. This is me there. I'm practically Ann. Although I'd prefer to be Flick.



Then it's a wander around the street for the neccessary photos, before hopping back on the bus and watching another episode (this time - Helen Daniel's death. Hannah martin, aka Button, claims she'd noticed her grandmother was dead but didn't want to say anything. Well done then.) But perhaps the most exciting part of the whole thing was that we got to meet Libby Kennedy. That's right. Libby Kennedy. She's not in it anymore, which I thought was a bit of a gip, but seeing as I stopped watching it years ago and wouldn't know any of the current cast members this suited me just fine. Don't even pretend you're not jealous.

Food Fight!

So after our sad Sydney farewell, we got on a 17 hour bus and headed down the coast for Melbourne. That's right. We could have spent about a fiver more and got a 2 hour flight, but these days it's all about saving money.

Anyway. Who was waiting for us in Melbourne? Mark was! Mark, for those of you not in the know, is our dear friend from Brighton. I think the last time I saw him was at my pink birthday party/gathering in London a few years back. The year that Duncan surprised me in front of our guests with a dead fox. I get the feeling Mark - who is a massive animal loving, vegan, environmental warrior - didn't really approve. But he smiled anyway, because he's like that.

So yeah. We spent three amazing days with Mark and his sweet housemates Jill and Shelley. We soaked up beautiful, colourful Melbourne, checked out some art galleries, read comics, ate loads of organic stuff, wandered around eco sites, dipped in the sea and watched Labyrinth ("and should you ever need us...")







It was the best three days I've had since being away... I promised Mark I'd say that, and I'm a lady of my word.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodbye

The fat lady has sung on our time in Sydney. Boo to her. Who invited her anyway?



That's right, the time has come for us to pack up our stuff (how an earth did I get everything in my rucksack in the first place?) and move on to Melbourne. If I'm honest, Duncan and I are both dragging our heels a bit - and if we weren't so excited about meeting Ady, Bonnie and Cat in Vietnam, we'd stay longer. Who'd have thunk it?





Had a bit of a get together down at Side Bar to say goodbye to all the amazing people we've met. And they all came. It was quite something. Duncan honey, we *are* popular. Plus, get a load of this, I was stone cold (Steve Austin) sober. That's right kids, my feet are still firmly on that wagon (even though it was my leaving party and hours before Daniel and the flatlettes had given Duncan and I a huge bottle of vodka and a bottle of Baileys.) What was more sobering though was the state of Eve. She was enjoying herself to the max (nothing wrong with that, lovely girl) but I'm glad I stayed on the pints of water and can remember saying goodbye to all the incredible people I've spent the last couple of months with.



I spent the end of the evening sobbing uncontrollably as the time came to say goodbye to the kids from Harbour Street flat. Especially Dan who I am so fond of. Oh yeah, and that Rachael girl that Fran introduced us to. She triggered the tears (you witch, making me cry at my own party.)



So yeah. That's that. Haven't worked or partied or done half as much as I'd wanted to, but it was great.

Livin' on the edge

I'm practically a member of the LostProphets. I've gone Straight Edge for a month. That's right. You heard. Did I say I was going to try this before? I think I did. But I guess the start of January is as good a time as any to try something so ridiculous...

But hang on. What's this? Tonight is my last night in Sydney. So we've just been over to the flat to see the guys for the last time. They gave us our Christmas presents as we haven't seen them since Christmas Eve. A bottle of Vodka for me. A bottle of Baileys for Duncan. Great. Then tonight it's our leaving drinks. Everyone's coming out. Great. Mine's a soda water.